Coolgardie Humour

The first Mayor of Coolgardie was James Shaw, a Belfast man, a veteran of the Maori war and a one-time Mayor of Adelaide. In his capacity of chief Magistrate a case came down before him where a man used insulting language towards another, who promptly knocked him down. A fine of $1 for assault was imposed, but when the man who was knocked down asked for costs, Mr. Shaw promptly replied, “Certainly not, a man who cannot fight should not use insulting language.”


‘One man, charged with being drunk and disorderly, was asked what he had to say to the charge. He calmly replied, “I plead guilty to the charge of drunkenness, but cannot truthfully say anything about being disorderly until I hear the evidence.”


‘A warden friend of mine told me of a blackfellow, Jacky, who was brought before him and asked before he was sworn,  “What will happen to you if you tell a lie?”

‘”If I tell lie I go to hell.” was the prompt answer.

When cross-examined he was asked, “You say you know the meaning of an oath and if you lie you will go to hell. What will happen if you tell the truth?”

‘”Then,” said Jacky, “we’ll lose the bloody case!”‘

John Kirwan


The old couple were eating their first meal with their son after his return from college.

“Tell us, John,” said the father, “what have you learned at college?”

“Oh, lots of things,” said the son, as he recited off his course of studies. “Then,” he concluded, “I also studied logic.”

“Logic,” said the old man; “what is that?”

“It’s the art of reasoning,” said the son.

“The art of reasoning?” said the father. “What is that, my boy?”

“Well,” replied the son, “let me give you a demonstration. How many chickens are on that dish, father?”

“Two,” said the old man.

“Well,” said John, “I can prove there are three.” Then he stuck his fork in one and said: “That is one isn’t it?”

“Yes,” said the father.

“And that is two?” sticking the fork in the second.

“Yes,” replied the father again.

“Well, don’t one and two make three?” replied John triumphantly.

“Well, I declare,”said the father, “you have learned things at college. Well, mother,” continued the old man to his wife, “I will give you one of the chickens to eat and I’ll take the other, and John can have the third. How is that, John?”